BLUNTLY SPEAKING

Sup Ya'll...back aagain with that ish you love reading. I just recently finished the first installment ("bluntly speaking" produced by Madlib) to the long awaited Vinylcologist solo project. You may be asking...damn, this dude's got alotta shit goin on...where does he get the time? While you guys are busy shopping for people that are goint to give you a sweater that three sizes too small, thinking that they love you, or when you are laying your oversized noggin/domepiece down on the pillow to pass out for that job you hate in the morning, I'm in the studio puttin' in work. Just think...everyday I make new joints, so that makes me ahead of you by at least a few years (or 200+ beats). It never stops, and it never will. The only thing YOU need to remember is that I don't watch a clock or put myself on a schedule. I go to bed when I'm tired and sometimes that ain't till five new tracks later at 6am. I advise you to sleep because if you try to do what I do you will need as much rest as humanly possible. Oh shizznit...almost forgot...peep the new myspace page Animal Cracker and Ed Powers set up for me. Check it regularly, cause there will be exclusives that wont ever be released on albums.

Chestnuts Roastin'

It's ....It's Christmas time again and I have some great tips on how to save a few bucks, as always during the holidays. If and when you use these great thrifty tips is really based on your own judgement, I can't help with that. What I can do though is give you darn info already, right? Riiiiiiight!....

Trees and Wreaths:
--When searching for the perfect tree or wreath you may get adjatated with all the workers that really don't know what the fuck they are doing. Bunch of kids that don't wanna be slingin' trees in the cold anyway. The best way to solve this problem is to take advantage of the situation. Just choose the tree or wreath you want, tell them that you need some rope to tie that shit to your vehicle. When they go to get the rope, you tell another one of the workers that you aren't interested anymore and this will be your alibi later on. Take a similar tree and slip it into the same spot, almost as to compare the two, Then when everyone is occupied, boat off with your new tree. "Yeahhhhhh Boooiiiiii HAHA." When the guy comes out with the rope for you he'll be like "where'd that dude go I was just helping???" ...and his co-worker will be like "ahhh, he wasn't interested and he left." He'll end up just moving on to the next customer, and before he's caught onto the scam, you got half you shit decorated already singin Christmas carols off the new cd you just downloaded. Do you think they actually take an inventory of the shit they have on the lot, it's impossible, because they are selling them too fast. Of course, the tree scam is a little harder than the wreath, so you may wanna just practice with wreaths till you get the hang of it. You can always find some idiot out there that wants a cheap wreath. After getting them home, decorate with dollar store ornaments and steer clear of tinsel and garland. That shit will have your animals dropping shiny stool samples of they happen to engulf some of it.
Gifts:
--This one is kinda tricky...You could be the Family Dollar king and just go there and drop the paycheck on cheap picture frames and Voit clothing. You could always do what the smart people do, and buy those gifts that you can benefit from as well...i.e. dinner, lingerie, concert tickets, champagne, etc. Or you could just bite the bullet and go nuts on buying regular shit. There is a catch though, as with any great idea. So let's say that you have ideas, shit let's even say that you wrote out a whole list, now you still have to deal with all the assholes in your way. The best thing that I've come up with thusfar to help relieve a little of the tention, is to shop late night. Like, I mean 830-930pm. This way you really don't have to fight in lines and over the gifts you want. It never fails, you walk into a store, there's 5 out of 10 registers open, and then when you finish shopping and go to get in line, there are fuckin' lines as long as Tommy Lee's cock with no registers open and even the 10 items or less lines are filled with people that forgot how to count cause it's Xmas! yay! Don't fret...just hit up the customer service counter or jewlery counter and have them ring you up there. If you have too much shit...just grin and bear it, and try not to pimpslap any grandmothers that are in line. Everyone else is fair game though, Fugly women, screaming kids, and we can't forget the dumb dads still rocking the zubaz and the expired members only jacket.

Entertainment:
--This one is easy...Most people get goofy games and gifts during the holidays, so just wait for one of your friends to get something you want, borrow it, and it's yours just like that. Just keep forgetting to bring it back every time you visit. Believe me, this type of thing happens all the time. I'm still waiting on a kid I knew from the fifth grade to give me back my Power Glove. Along with the games is usually a party or three to go to. My advice to you is if you hate going to these and don't wanna be invited anymore, just get completely wrecked and start making out with everyone there, you'll have people pulling you off thier lists of birthday parties, office parties, and family gatherings real quick. This will help you save money too, just think, now you don't have to get stuck with the stick of venisin pepperoni and old can of peanuts ever again.

Secret Santa:
--This one you can have some fun with. Just try to think of the most repulsing gift or group of gifts you can find. Oh, and don't forget...it has to be under 10 dollars nukka. That leaves a ton of stuff wide open. examples: 1 box of nubby ribbed condoms, a couple cans of Great Value beets, a gift certificate to Golden Corral, a soggy Jamaican beef patty with hot sauce slopped all over it, a random box of garage sale clothing...I think you get the idea. Because it's kept secret, you can just sit back and enjoy while someone gets your gifts, and know that even though you did get WWJD mouse pad, you still made out like a bandit.

Boozin' it up.

I'm about to go and get my drank and dank on....but before I go, there are somethings I'd like to bring to yer attention.

Mr. F.

Flava Flav is coming out with a new show on Vh1. It's almost like a version of the bachelor, but where Flava is the bachelor. I can't wait for this...I'm putting the choice dro buds in storage, because this is gonna be a hilarious show. Be ready. I was unable at this time to find the title, or the premier date, but keep the knob locked to Vh1 for more info. Don't even bother with the website...they're more behind than Vida Guerra's ass.

Cactus Jackass.

Stocking Stuffers:
Jaime Cullum remix f. Casual (audio)
Kanye West lo-fi freestyle (audio)
Madlib - sound directions (movie) <---totally blogworthy. thx katz.
Let's save the music. If everyone donated just one dollar, I'd have enough to actually put out wax instead of cds. If you feel the need to bring the talent back into hip-hop, donate a dollar to vinylcologist@hotmail.com via paypal. The spare silver you could find in your couch cushions is enough, one of those dollars you lose on a scratch off is enough, even the extra pennies you leave behind at gas stations could do it. Please pass this message on to at least 2 friends. Help us put out the wax, and the chance we deserve.
Until we meet next year, (maybe). Happy Holidaze. and have a Floppy New Year.